They say that coming out is the most courageous thing any person can ever do. I disagree. I think the most courageous thing any man can do is to love the same person everyday despite all the seemingly overwhelming situations. To choose the same person however difficult it is to resist temptation - that is courage beyond language and euphemisms.

In city that shrinks and circles go too interconnected
swells so much that people find it hard
to meet the right people
some boys try their luck and some
just got fucked.
Proposing A fucked B and B fucked C
ergo, A fucked C by default.
simple math, complicated food chain
untangled physics, complicated happiness
music is just black and white with rhythms


But some must stay home

to write poetry, discuss history, dance

and maybe make some weary waiting too

but they do not give up, they simply wait

and get laid

and get wrong scores too.

When roads finally turn and lead back and

wanderers managed to get home with both two hands

left inked, right free and scarred

they are no longer the boys who once 

said wait and I will return to you.

So who's A who fucked C by default?

When will B stop banging around?

and who the hell told C to quit looking around?

I show not your face

but your heart's desire.

Nitong nakaraang linggo lang, pagkatapos ng mahaba-haba ring panahon, naisipan kong tumambay saglit.  Doon, sa tindahan sa tapat ng Faculty Center sa aming unibersidad, naupo ako’t nagpahinga, pinanood ang mga sasakyang nakikipag-unahan sa mga guro’t estudyanteng may kanya-kanyang pinanggalingan at pupuntahan.  Nagsimula nang mamunga ang mga puno ng bulak sa unibersidad, ihinihipan ng mainit na hangin ang hibla ng mga halamang-ulap.


Karaniwang eksena na ito sa amin, tulad ng inaasahang pagtatanim at pagtubo ng mga Mirasol sa pagtatapos ng Marso’t pagpasok ng Abril.  Pinagmasdan ko ang mga tao’t sasakyan, ang mga hibla ng bulak—parang langit na bumaba sa lupa—inisip ang mga Mirasol na malapit nang mamukadkad.  Pinantasya kong lumilisan ang aking kaluluwa, sumakay sa pumpon ng mga bunga ng bulak, papunta doon sa mga tanim ng bulaklak.


Sa aking pantasya, pumitas ako ng libo-libong dilaw-kahel na bunga, at inialay ang bawat isa sa kanilang magtatapos at mag-uumpisa.  Isang bulaklak para sa bawat munting tagumpay, sa pagpupugay sa bawat puwersang naghatid sa direksyong ito.  Sa aking pantasya, lahat ay may perky Sunflower na matiyagang nag-aabang, isang Mirasol para sa bawat magtatapos at doon sa paparating pa lang, isang bulaklak na mamumukadkad sa panahong sakto sa kanya, mamumukadkad para sa kanya at wala nang iba pa.


Vlademeir Gonzales,
Graduation: Perky kids, ritwal ng wakas-umpisa at M2M S-A-S-A-Y-A
UP Diliman 2010

Aamin ako. Bago ko pa man muling naging close si M, dumating si Wis. Sa loob ng tatlong araw na panliligaw nya (oo tita carrie at nimmy, ako ang nililigawan), nakita kong di lang libog ang nakita nya sakin kaya natuwa ako sa kanya (haha! matatapos ko kaya tong post na to?).

Ngayon ko lang napatunayan na totoo ang mga korning eksena ng love triangle sa mga soap opera. Mahal ako ni Wis, sobrang mahal na nung nanghingi ako sa kanya ng panahon na mag-isip ay di sya nagdalawang isip. Pero mahal ko si M (ang classic. pffft), sobrang mahal na handa akong maghintay sa kanya. First time kong maging mahinahon at matyaga. Di ko nararamdaman ang inip ng paghihintay sa panahong makakalimutan ni M ang mga bagay na tumatakot sa kanya. Pero Tita Charo, ano ba ang dapat piliin, yung mahal ka o ang mahal ng isda ngayon?

Alam ko ang sagot sa tanong ko kaya pinili kong di sumama sa road trip ni Wis at maghintay sa terminal na bababaan ni M. Sinumpa ako ni Wis tulad ng pagsumpa ng mga witch sa Romania sa presidente nila dahil di na sila tax-exempted. Pagbukas ko ng facebook profile ni nya, kulang na lang tusukin ako ng mga kaibigan nya ng karayom sa pagsumpa nila sa taong nagpalungkot sa kanya. Nagmuka akong bitch sa facebook thread nya, Tita Charo. 'gaguhan pala ha! :) mamalasin ka pwes! kukulamin kita! go to hell talkshit! :D' ang sabi nya. Kulang na lang, ipasara nila ang butas ng pwet ko.

Tanong uli, anong mas tama: Piliin ang ,ahal mo o mahal ang pamasahe papuntang Madrid? Alam ko ang isasagot, Lio. Natutunan ko sa tong-its na mas mahalaga ang mag-intay sa baraha para makumpleto mo ang isang combination kesa mag-ipon ng maraming king at queen at jack na di mo naman kailangan. Di ako naniniwala kay Ricky Lee, Victor. Walang quota ang pag-ibig. Kasi ang pag-ibig, sugal. Kailangang may lakas ka ng loob na dumiga.


Kane, now I too am bitch. But I don't care. I love this waiting.


(M, kung mapag-tripan mo man na basahin to, I want you to know that for once, I am ready to give in or give up everything just for you to forget the things that hurt you. Minsan man lang sa buhay ko, gumawa ako ng desisyon na hindi ko pagsisisihan.)


Bloggers, let's eat pasta (:


-----------------
PS.

Dahil bagong taon, magsisipag na ulit akong magbasa ng blog. Magiging friendly na din ako. Promise. Amen.

My move has been postponed by several instances. But like a dog that licks his own wound after a senseless fight over a bone with another dog, I would go on live by my own again. This time, I hope it's a final decision to settle and not to repack my things and go home. I already have arranged the set-up to support the needs of Amma, the only reason why I cannot move out from our old home.


I've learned that people who claim they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. It's people who claim that they're good, or any way better than the rest of us, that you have to be wary of. (Wicked, G. Maguire)

I will be painting my room blue. The land lady who gives extra special consideration to Iskos and Atenistas has already permitted me given not to use black. I am thinking of putting some glow in the dark stars too. I hope it will be something I may call home. Come payday, come.


I miss Earl, Victor, Kris, Jae, YJ, Nyl, IE, Jin, Red, Lio, Nim and Kane. And some other people who make me sane.

When I return home from the day's (or night's) work, I will cook pasta, bring some to eat with the modeling analyst before or after the concert of a very good friend in Abelardo Auditorium this afternoon.

Sometimes, all you can do is wonder.

To keep the fire burning
Marbbie Tagabucba
Philippine Daily Inquirer
August 06, 2010

WHEN I resigned from my job as a writer, my parents rejoiced. They were not the least surprised that I left even though just months earlier I had been filled with glee upon learning I bagged the job notwithstanding the daunting challenges it posed. All-nighters, skipping meals—these are just some of the stuff parents’ nightmares are made of. My parents’ fears revolved around their certainty that the job held a different kind of future from the one they had in mind for their first-born. If for me my resignation was only a setback, for them it was a chance to change my mind about the career path I had taken.

It seemed like the job and I were set for life, but our honeymoon ended too soon. I wrote and doubled as a fashion assistant for two publications, taking away time that could have been spent with loved ones. But when I set that drawback aside, I loved what I did. My job provided endless challenges, and I reveled in the opportunity to hone my writing skills.

Outside of work, it was a different story. To humor everyone, I took the admission exam to a law school, only to fail. My family showed no effort in masking their disappointment. My boyfriend, who had proudly boasted to all his friends that I would be a lawyer someday even though he knew I was planning to start a career in writing, turned cold on me and soon just disappeared. My friends poked fun at what I did, considering it rather frivolous as they were steadfastly on the road to becoming lawyers. I would tell them I was writing for a women’s lifestyle magazine, and they would wonder aloud what worthwhile contribution I was making to society. How were my efforts helping to alleviate world hunger, they would ask, or bridge political divides, or heal cultural rifts, or advance world peace?

These people did not even bother to read my work. Soon my job suffered. I became more listless every day, until in one moment of weakness I decided to give it up.

To my family, going corporate or working in a government office was the only way to go. To them, what I wanted to do was a joke, and they told me so to my face a couple of times. My mother complained about raising a “punk” for a daughter, so she approached my spunky aunt to knock some sense into my head.

My aunt—multi-titled before 40, fresh from marriage annulment proceedings, and a single mom of two No-Boyfriend-Since-Birth daughters—told me frankly, “Being a writer isn’t anything to be proud of.” And that set her off on a long monologue on the advantages of having a title affixed to my name, with “Atty.” being the best of them. To her, writing was only a tool for advancement in a “useful” field. She cited a friend who was a department secretary and occupied a “good place in society” because he can write well.

I bet she would hate my friend who, at 24, is set to marry next year. The grapevine says there’s a love child. She denies this and explains, “We’re in love and he can afford to marry.” When I asked her what she would do with her degree in Political Science, she said, “I’m simply the domestic type,” and gave me a smile.

Women seem to be in very competitive spirits these days, racing against men in the corporate field, or competing against each other in classic girl-versus-girl fashion. If a woman wishes to become a homemaker, what is wrong with that? I grew up wishing my parents, especially my mom, had more time for me. My mother was a boss, and when her travel agency closed, she was a housewife for a while, and it was then that I saw her looking most fulfilled. It was a pleasure to have a mother around. My sisters and I promised to grow up as mothers first, with our career ambitions coming second, when the time came.
I refuse to accept that one works to live for that means barely living. The average worker complains about his boss, his salary, even those who get paid more than they should. There are those who are ashamed of what they have to do just to put food on the table. And there are those who have more complicated problems, like living for power, recognition, endlessly seeking the approval of everyone, from neighbors to in-laws.

I wish we could reject the notion of working to live, at least for the youth. Take for instance our unemployed and underemployed nursing graduates. Most of them (or their parents) chose the course to enjoy the good life through remittances. Many of them have callings and potentials for some other careers, and I think they are wasting their time.

I believe that if one is happy with what he does, whatever or wherever it may be, he will thrive. Unless you dream of swimming in an infinity pool of dollar bills, I don’t think everyone is cut out to become a millionaire. Not everyone truly wants it anyway. People see money in different ways. Some see it is as security, happiness or fulfillment. But I have seen people who found all these in lending a helping hand as a social worker, or in sending a healthy child to school. It isn’t always about money or title.

Nobel Prize-winning economist Edmund Phelps linked sinking employment rates, job dissatisfaction and poor work performance to the attitude people brought to their work. Instead of seeing employment as a means to a comfortable retirement, he emphasized the importance of regarding employment as the “fulfillment of a goal, the mastery of a task.”

I mention this because it serves as a valuable reminder to those who are doing what they love, to those who don’t, and to those who probably don’t remember. If we remind ourselves of what is good about the work we do, why we want to do it, wouldn’t our work be more pleasurable and definitely more rewarding?

Since I was little, I dreamed of becoming a writer because I wanted to become better at writing. I wanted to become better at writing because I wished to share ideas, whether they were mine or not. I have been inspired by the writings of those who came before me, and I think we all have. Some of us retain a vision of making the world better because we have imbibed someone’s ideas put in writing or someone’s thoughts from perhaps a different time or place that ignited something in our hearts. This is how I wish to contribute to the world: I want to become a writer because I want to write better, so that I can share ideas with people, and keep the fire burning.

Marbbie Tagabucba, 20, is a writer for a women’s fashion magazine.

I feel lighter now. While killing break time with lighted marl after the other on a rainy night, I realized life is not a box of chocolate (sorry Forrest gump). It is much like Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans*, you will never know if a bean you pick is earwax or dungbomb or peppermint unless you taste it.

The wind is chilling this rainy night and the storm inside me is still whirling mad.

But I know this too shall pass.
Just like every tropical disturbances.

Thanks, Earl and Kane and Tippy. Friends are amazing creatures, really.



*Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans are a popular sweet for kids at Hogwarts. They buy them from the lunch trolley on the Hogwarts Express and from Honeydukes in Hogsmeade. They give them for Christmas gifts and as gifts when someone is ill and in the hospital wing. Bertie Bott's Beans are sold in bags.

It is when you are free to smoke, to drink, because no one cares if you die. It is when you work because there are bills to pay and empty fridge to fill, metaphorically. It is when dreams are set aside, hopes lost and friends are nowhere near.

It is the thin line between crying and fretting, sitting on the edge of the third floor stairway, imagining things that could have been.

Why this hallowness? Why this sudden turn of events? Why this me?

Time is really a curious thing.

Seriously, I want a cup of coffee.

I could sing you a lullaby while stroking those soft hair of yours or hum like the birds outside when I see you with eyes closed. You are not some ordinary person and waking up in the middle of a good night's dream feeling your hand under my head is completely forgivable. I actually like it. It's almost like winning the lottery.

We are sleeping on a friendly bed, it was neither cold nor warm. The room smells of strawberry and tequila, reminding me of my first trip in Trinidad Valley two years ago. I could write long and sensible sentences back then. Today, I sit on the couch near the window to write in silly grammar.

This day will end soon and I want to scribble some words before I go to sleep alone again come the night.

What is distance?

How near to reality is a dream? When you see your self in a dream, does that really mean that you are there? If yes, how is that suppose to mean? If not, then why does it sometimes occur that you feel the same emotion in the dream when you wake up? When we dream that we cried, we wake up with tears in our eyes. When we dream that we played under the rain, we wake up soaked and wet. How can we describe this becoming of ideas that solely exists in our minds?

Waking up with you by my side is a beautiful dream, so near to reality  that I am feeling your body next to mine, your hand tapping my back in a gesture of reminding me that I shall not fear, my head so close to your heart, yet so distant because we are bound to two different realities.

Do you remember our talk about divinity? I was tipsy when I was discussing to you the reality of God and the problem of religion. You listened and reasoned well with that signature wide smile of yours, nodding in every convenient ideas I say and raising questions on the difficult ones. We talked about ironic human condition and economic realities. I cannot remember what was the joke when you suddenly fell on the floor. I helped you stand. We were giggling like jejemons.

Or is it the actual distance that separates us? We are inches away from each other yet it will take a complete earth's rotation to reach you. To come near you will mean crossing timezones and borders. It means covering some forty million kilometers of land and sea, travelling on the exact proportion of time elapse that would take a complete planetary rotation so as not to miss you on the exact moment I left to come to you. See? I even did the math which I hate. You read this and you know how much I want to pick you out from that world of dreams to my imperfect world.

Do you know about the movie Inkheart? In case you do not, it is a beautiful story about a man and his daughter who has a unique ability to read out characters from the book. They are called Silver Tongues. It's like reading aloud a story and letting the characters join the human particular world thus, becoming. Things will be much easier if this is our case. I will just search the world to find a Silver Tongue to read you out from the favorite fairy tale I read or, to let him read me in so as I will be in the same world as yours.

While I am writing these random words, you are peacefully sleeping as if you are in your mother's womb.

I wish I could spend my every waking up like this.

What conquers all?


May nanloko sa reyna ng tropa kaya kolektibo ang emosyon ng barkada; upang makaganti, maghahanap ang hitman ang iba at ako, uupa ng mga mambabarang.

Nito lang ay pinalitan ni Roma ang status nya sa Facebook mula in a relationship to single. Nadiskubre nya kasi na hindi lang sya ang karelasyon ng boyfriend nya. Ang masama pa nito, mahigit isang taon na ang pagtatago nito sa two-year relationship nya sa isa pang babae. Sabi nga namin, sya ang tanging babaeng hinding hindi mo pagtatangkaang lokohin. Ngunit sadya yatang may tama sa utak ang bestfriend ko. Kumbaga sa babaeng ni-rape ng pogi, hindi na sya magsasampa ng kaso. Actually, masaya ang kaibigan ko sa nangyari. Walang halong feeling ng betrayal. Ni hindi umiyak. Such an empowered woman with great self love. Nakakatawa dahil wala pang limang minuto pagkatapos palitan ang status, hindi bababa sa dalawampu ang nag-like ng status nya at anim na lalaki ang naghihintay ng reply nya sa celphone. Sya na ang maraming suitors.

Monday night.

I was strolling down the well lighted sidewalks of Tomas Morato looking for a bar where I can drink down all the unnecessary problems in my mind. I don't know how to describe the emptiness I am feeling. My thoughts are in clutter these past days and drinking alone in a place where I am a total stranger is a proven remedy. I have done this many times in two years but this particular night wasn't friendly. The sky was starless and it was windy, signs that it might rain. The chill of the May wind touches my face and legs as if touching my soul. The plan was very clear: get drunk, grab a cab when tipsy, go home then hit the sack. I got drunk that night. But I was not alone.

Nagdadabog ako sa mundo.

Madaya sya.

An daming nililihim sa akin.

Ayoko ng ganun.

Masaket.

Nakaka-praning.

Ilang linggo na rin akong ganto-

palaboy ng kawalan,

tambay ng sariling pagkabagot,

alipin ng kinikimkim na problema.

"Malakas ka diba sabi mo dati!??"

Dati yun.

Matagal na kong iniwan ng sarili kong katapangan.

Nagtago sa dilim-

iniwan ako.

Ngayon?

Naguguluhan ako sa mga bagay-bagay na

nagpapa-ikot ng buhay ng sanlibutan.

Sa sarili kong desisyon,

sa mga pagpipilian,

sa mga bagay na gusto kong gawin.

Teka, nasaan ba ako ngayon?

Hindi ko rin alam.

Sa malamang, nasa kawalan ako sa mga oras na ito.

Paikot-ikot.

Papunta sa wala.

Nasaan ako?

Nasa malayong himpapawid,

naglalakbay ang diwa

sa mga nag-uumpugang ideya at mga pagkakataon.

Nahihilo din ako sa mga nangyayare ah..

Akala mo lang na ayos ako.

Pero hinde-

di ko madadaya ang sarili ko.

Praning ka ngayong mga araw na ito elias...

...siguro nga.

Bukas ako magsisimulang maghanap ng bagong seminaryo o kaya eskwelahan. Kaya ko to!

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.Mary Pickford, American actress (b. 1893)

Di ako naka-alis ngayong araw. Alas-kwatro dumating sila Mama galing Bulacan at kelangan pang pumasok nila Hana at Habi sa school. No choice ang dakilang tambay, gumising at magprepare ng kakainin at ng gamit ng mga papasok. Sa sobrang pagmamadali ng mga taong umalis ng bahay, nakalimutan akong iwanan ng pera papuntang u-belt. Maghahanap ng eskwelahan. Kaya no choice, naiwan ako sa bahay at natulog ng natulog hanggang tanghali. Pagkatapos kumain, natulog ulet. Tsktsk nagalit pa si nenem saken. Di ko nasamahan si Roma sa Bun's and Patties. Bukas na lang kami lalakad ni Leroy. May bigla raw kasi syang gagawin. Sa seminaryong tag-lagas kami magkikita. Kukuha ng clearance bago gumala sa Maynila para maghanap ng school na tatanggap sa ameng mga kick-outs dahil sa simpleng mga dahilan (ako nga di ko alam kung may dahilan ba talaga...). Ayaw ko na sanang bumalik kasi nagpunta nako dun nung Linggo. Dahil wala pa si Bro. Bruno at wala pa akong pagbabayaran, nagpunta ako sa mga dorms. Marumi na ang buong compound kasi lagas lahat ng mga puno. Parang abandonado. Di na ako nagtagal sa kakapasyal (w/ is illegal kasi di na nga ako seminarista.) Di ko kaya. I still linger on memories.


Sa maniwala kayo sa hinde, ako ang nagluto ng hapunan. Nilagang baboy. Ahehehe masarap naman daw sabi ni Mama. Tsktsk...alam ko masarap talaga yon...iba na ang inspirado con desperado.


Bukas ako maglalakad ulet. Kasama si Leroy. Ang call time eh 8:30 sa lugar na tinuring naming tahanan na namen. Kaso iba ang ikot ng mundo para sa mga tulad naming di magpapatuloy pansamantala. O kaya permanenteng di magpapatuloy. Kung ano-ano kasi ang pumapasok na sa isip ko...


Magulo ako ngayon. Di ko alam hanggang kelan ako magiging ganito.


Bahala na.

koko lopik: 1500 daw
jay ramos: baka april or may ako mag-board.
koko lopik: o cge
koko lopik: tignan mo kya muna
koko lopik: auq s kwarto n un
koko lopik: ang init pag umaga
jay ramos: eh?
koko lopik: yah
jay ramos: ay am pangit pala eh
koko lopik: magdla k ng gargantuan fan mo
jay ramos: as in di maganda ba?
koko lopik: pra skin okay na
koko lopik: mala-el filibusterismo ung kwarto...
koko lopik: tahimik
jay ramos: weeh...ayaw nung ganun.
jay ramos: alam mo naman yung gusto ko.
koko lopik: hehe
jay ramos: by april pa kasi start ko ulet dun sa call center ek-ek eh.
koko lopik: asteeg
koko lopik: penge pera
koko lopik: ahehe
jay ramos: tangna netoh.
jay ramos: wala pa nga eh.
jay ramos: dami ko ngang gagawing kaolokohan.
jay ramos: maraming lihim...
koko lopik: hwowo
koko lopik: babalik k b sa seminary/
jay ramos: kung magustuhan ko pa rin after one year sa labas.
jay ramos: ikaw?
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: gus2 q
jay ramos: na?
koko lopik: di b may promise tau sa isat isa?
koko lopik: hehehe
koko lopik: ambaduy
jay ramos: TANGNA ANG DRAMA MO!
jay ramos: ahehehe
jay ramos: uu..
jay ramos: hahanapin ko muna buhay ko sa labas.
koko lopik: pro mas may urge eh
koko lopik: na magpatuloy...
jay ramos: ang alam sa bahay ill ber saying sa adamson seminary...
jay ramos: tama..
jay ramos: *ill be staying
koko lopik: yuhee
koko lopik: magipon k n lng ng pera
jay ramos: para?
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: pra sa kinabukasan..
koko lopik: hehehe
koko lopik: di ba>
koko lopik: pra di kna apihin
jay ramos: gago...ahehehe
jay ramos: kelangan 3rd year tau pagbalik.
koko lopik: aha
jay ramos: eh ikaw\?
koko lopik: ka chat mo c chard?
jay ramos: oo.
jay ramos: malandi nga eh.
koko lopik: ang labo natin
koko lopik: trialogue?
jay ramos: cnabi mo pa.
jay ramos: eh ikaw, anong gagawin mo this year?
koko lopik: edi magiging irregular tau
jay ramos: oo.
jay ramos: basta same batch pa rin tayo..ashteeg!
koko lopik: sbagay mas ok na un...kesa makasama ung mga promdi na batch na papasok
jay ramos: dabah?
BUZZ!!!
jay ramos: tama.
jay ramos: ahehehe
jay ramos: anung gagawin mo nga?
koko lopik: ahmmm...
koko lopik: di q p alm
koko lopik: wla pang pinadalang letter
jay ramos: di ka magsuskul?
koko lopik: dpat aqng mag-aral...
koko lopik: hehehe
jay ramos: san?
koko lopik: auqng mag 2nd year with the promdis..wahehe
jay ramos: kaya nga...san?
jay ramos: labo...
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: they will be very happy daw pag bumalik tau
koko lopik: di q p alm kung san
jay ramos: uo...
koko lopik: bhala na
jay ramos: philo ka pa rin?
koko lopik: di p ata alm ng mama q na tanggal aq
koko lopik: panu kya un
jay ramos: di pa-alam mo.
jay ramos: alam mo kung anong ginawa ko?
koko lopik: anu>
koko lopik: nag-cha2t/
jay ramos: di ko pinakita yung letter.
koko lopik: ahahaha
jay ramos: di ko cnabing di ako tanggap this year.
koko lopik: sbi q sa mga friends q..bakaxon aq ng one year
koko lopik: taz mag-re2apply ule aq nxt year
jay ramos: aqo sabi ko advised to take one year philo muna dito sa manila.
jay ramos: kasi mahihirapan tayong 16 yr olds na mag-adjust
jay ramos: ahehehe
koko lopik: sbi q pnalabas muna aq pra maf-decide kung anu tlga gus2 q..hhehehe
jay ramos: more or less ganun yung cnabi ko.
koko lopik: iba n tlga ang mga talented
jay ramos: tama..
jay ramos: edi di mukang na-upset ang parents ko.
koko lopik: ang laking kwalang ng community nila
koko lopik: ahehhe
jay ramos: gago.
koko lopik: tignan mo ung incoming 3rd year
koko lopik: conditional lahat
koko lopik: ahehehe
jay ramos: tama2
jay ramos: so di ka mag-aaral?
jay ramos: aral tau.
koko lopik: magaaral
koko lopik: san
koko lopik: cge
koko lopik: ngaun na>
jay ramos: adamson o up?
koko lopik: wag muna
koko lopik: adamson
koko lopik: lau ng up smin
jay ramos: dorm....
koko lopik: uu nga noh...
koko lopik: magaling!!!
jay ramos: di ako uuwi samin...papalabacn kong nasa seminary parin ako under probation.
koko lopik: uu nga noh
jay ramos: para pwedeng mag-work.
jay ramos: dabah?
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: ang gnda ng ideya
koko lopik: magaling 2x
jay ramos: ano? call?
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: sbhin ko muna sa mom q
koko lopik: ahehehe
jay ramos: na?
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: may commitment p aq sa cmbahan eh
koko lopik: syang ung mga raket
koko lopik: bka kailangan q nga tlga ng more tym wid my mom...
koko lopik: sbi ni padz...
jay ramos: gago....mas marami tayong maiicp na raket nyan.
jay ramos: oh?
jay ramos: uhmmm...sabagay.
koko lopik: yah
koko lopik: b.i. ka..
koko lopik: wahehehe
jay ramos: gago ka....di ko lang talaga alam kung panu ko gagawing busy ang sarili ko.
koko lopik: aah..
koko lopik: andaming paraan
jay ramos: gusto ko rin kasing mag-independent ek-ek ng konte.
koko lopik: aha
koko lopik: mag convent boy ka
koko lopik: ahihih
koko lopik: kunwari ampon ka
koko lopik: tapos itinaboy ka
koko lopik: den u need refuge
jay ramos: yaw....
jay ramos: gago.
jay ramos: mas ok na yung masusubukan yung sarili ko i kaya ko nga yung buhay na mag-isa kang ggcng, magwowork...etc barbel...
jay ramos: ahehehe
koko lopik: hawaaha..
koko lopik: hardcore ah
koko lopik: ..anyway..
jay ramos: anu?
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: sundin q muna ung utos ni daddy short legs
koko lopik: more tym with my mother...
koko lopik: solve my resentments...
jay ramos: 6 mos?
koko lopik: aun
jay ramos: pwede nba yung period na yun?
koko lopik: may palugit?
koko lopik: ahehehe
jay ramos: uhm...kaya nga naicp kong jan maghanap eh..[para di ka mapalayo sa mama mo.
jay ramos: *gago mode
jay ramos:
koko lopik: (aUgh)
koko lopik: wahihi
jay ramos: o kaya, uwian pa rin sa bahay pero magstudy & work pa rin...
jay ramos: ano pwede ba yun?
koko lopik: aha
koko lopik: lau k muna sa family
koko lopik: lgi k nmn nsa kanila
jay ramos: san nga ako magsstay?
koko lopik: palit tau family...
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: ahehehe
jay ramos: gago.
jay ramos: o kaya ganto....work-study-uwi ka tapos ako work-study-dorm?
jay ramos: *an labo ko ata.
koko lopik: wag kna uwi
jay ramos: kaya nga kapag confirm na yung work ko, hanap ako ng dorm.
koko lopik: study(idle)-work(idle)-idle..o di ba?...
jay ramos: oy hindi ah.
koko lopik: gwa k ng mdaming reflection paper
koko lopik: ipa-publish mo
jay ramos: kanino ko ipapasa?
koko lopik: mag ala-jkrowling ka
jay ramos: that's my dream.
koko lopik: oooh
koko lopik: di ba
jay ramos: one of my reason din sa aking pag-layo muna sa bahay.
jay ramos: kaya nga, ano magaaral tayo?
koko lopik: gnun
koko lopik: mag-aaral tau
koko lopik: kht tinatamad aq
koko lopik: ahehehe
koko lopik: go tau
jay ramos: gago.
jay ramos: ahehehehe
jay ramos: ight.
jay ramos: ano philo pa rin dapata..
koko lopik: gnun n lng
koko lopik: yah
koko lopik: ibahin natin
jay ramos: maski yung major subjects lang yung kunin natin.
koko lopik: science field kya?
jay ramos: physics?
koko lopik: biology lng
koko lopik: pra wlang solve-solve
koko lopik: ahehehe
jay ramos: philo na natin...para hindi tayo mahirapan kapag may balak tayong bumalik.
jay ramos: isang taon lang naman eh!
BUZZ!!!
koko lopik: bka ma-gas2 maxado brains natin
jay ramos: hmmm...hal logic, ethics, church doctrine, liturgy saka latin lang kunin naten?
jay ramos: uhm?
jay ramos: ek kung bio, madami pa rin tayong kukuning 2nd year subjects pagbalik naten.
koko lopik: ...
koko lopik: at least mas mdami taung alam di ba?
koko lopik: mas hardcore pa/...
koko lopik: may laboratory pa
jay ramos: kaya kaya nating ma-overload next year?
koko lopik: un ung thrill
koko lopik: ahehehe
koko lopik: pde bang kumuha ng ilang units sa philo>
jay ramos: jos ko baka mabaliw tayong dalawa next year.
koko lopik: at least mala-God tau
koko lopik: ahehehe
jay ramos: ahehehe...san naman tayo mag b BS bio?
koko lopik: adamson...
koko lopik: kuha tau ibang units sa philo
jay ramos: kunin naten lahat?
jay ramos: pwede ba yun?
koko lopik: or kht san
koko lopik: pde bang ganun>?
koko lopik: unti-unti lng?
koko lopik: hehehe
jay ramos: dalawang course subj. sabay kukunin?
koko lopik: yah...
koko lopik: ahehehe
koko lopik: wag..
jay ramos: dapat sa mura-mura pero asiging skul.
koko lopik: cge
jay ramos: san?
koko lopik: may ga2win p aq...
koko lopik: gtg
jay ramos: basta work tayo?
koko lopik has signed out. (3/19/2008 7:28 PM)

"Do magis today. For tomorrow never exists!"
-neil's shout-out

Tagal na rin pala.


Akalain mo yun, tumagal ako ng isang taon. Unbelievable kaya nga pati ako, hindi makapaniwalang mag-iisang taon na rin pala akong seminarista. Aysos nga naman ang buhay ooh, di mo alam, tapos na pala ang isang kabanata.


Naghihintay na lang ako ng mga kokonting mga bagay. Next week, finals...kanina kinuha ko na yung Social History kay Dante. Nung Tuesday, nag-finals na sa Trigo at Chem pero uulit ako next week. Removal. Halos 3/4 naman ng klase magre-retake. Ayos lang. this week-end,outing sa kung saang "beautiful place daw" na naman. Pirmahan ng clearance na sobrang nakakasumpa sa laki ng babayaran. Pasahan na lang ng mga papers sa tapos sa 16, final consultation at eviction night. Make it or break it na ang drama. Marami rin ang alanganing magpatuloy next week.


Isa ako dun syempre.


Sino ba namang di maasar sa tulad ko? Pasaway. Tamad. Korni. Maloko. Ayos nga eh, di ko rin akalaing tatagal ako ng isang sem. Dami ko na rin ginawang kasalanan at mga pangakong puro kayabangan. Sige na lang. Sabi sakin yan ni Fr. Pros. Huhh?!?? Ay ewan. Bahala na.


Kung pagsusumahin at ico-compute mga ginawa kong maayos at mga kalokohan, tyak magkakautang ako. Balasubas kasi ako pagdating sa paggawa ng mga desisyon. Pero sabi ng nanay ko nung umuwi ako, ganun lang daw talaga ang mga nagbibinatang tikbalang. Magulo. Pabago-bago ng isip. Pero ganun pa rin daw ang puso. Kung ano ako dati, yun pa rin ang dating ako. Sa loob ng puso. Magloko man daw ako sa mahabang panahon, di ko rin daw matitiis kasi di ako talagang maloko. Ganyan lang talaga ang mga nagbibinatang tikbalang anak. Maniwala ka.
Ang totoo nyan, lalo akong naguluhan sa mga sinabi ng nanay ko. Kaya sa badtripness nya, pinabaunan ako ng sandamakmak na tablet pampalusog,pampatalino, pang-ayos ng daloy ng puso at pampasigla. Kulang na lang eh resibo galing sa Mercury Drug. Pero di pa dun natatapos ang problema ko.


Di ko pa kayang i-kwento.


Saka na....


Baka bukas. Pagiisipan ko pa.