Showing posts with label traveling pants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label traveling pants. Show all posts

In my most honest conclusion, I think that there are very few people in this world who by the simplest fact that they walk on this earth, make everything around them more beautiful. I'd like to believe that such is the case with these two nuns, Sisters Joseph and Michelle.

Looking at them and listening to their stories, I know that no amount of bypass surgeries or periods of desolation that can take away the love that has become the meaning and motivation of all their radical toil: that singular and undivided love to Jesus, master and shepherd.

I'm reminded of a quote I read somewhere: "What is more disturbing to the status quo than an experienced elderly religious who cannot be controlled, cannot be threatened, cannot be punished, who is obscenely alive."

Sisters Joseph and Michelle. How obscenely alive before my eyes.


Nil magnum nisi bonum. Nothing is great unless good.

Happy Easter, everyone.


When I met her two years ago, she couldn't believe she is meeting a young boy instead of a full grown man. He was expecting that the team building facilitator is older than twenty three. One afternoon, I saw her examining santan plants looking for five-petal flowers. I helped her in this quintessential task of hers and found three and she was very happy. Before I left their retreat house, she gave me a rosary and a postcard.

An amazing lady of seventy eight, she runs a retreat facility with superb kitchen delights, does her own laundry, plays bass guitar, has planned her funeral, and single handedly oversees the formation of some seventy women who wish to follow the same vocation she leads. Natural inquisitive that I am, I asked how she planned her funeral. She told me that her plan is quite simple. When she knows it's already her time, and God forbid tell her it's her time, she wouldn't bother waking up the other sisters in the house and simply make her way - that is either by walking or crawling - to the cemetery located behind the retreat house. Kung saan ako abutan, dun ang hukay.

Her name is Sor Mariana, a jolly Dominican nun who thought seriously about her funeral arrangements. Ever ready to meet her Spouse and Maker, anytime of the day.

Gospel: Luke 17:20-25
Voiceovers, luggages, microwaved foods.
Check ins, security checks.
Bomb threats are punishable.

Mahigpit man
buti pa dito, taos-puso ang pagtanggap.
Maski dumaraan lamang.
Kung may isang bagay na siguradong sigurado ako, yun ay kung saan man ako dalhin ng mga paa ko, kampante ako na 1) may mga bagong kaibigang makikilala, 2) masayang adventure at; 3) masarap na pagkain.


(Litrato mula sa islang barangay ng Barubaybay, Magarao papuntang Palo, Canaman. Mahigit trenta minutong paglalakbay sa pedikab sa mahigit isang dipang kalsada para kitain ang mga tao para sa community training. Pramis, sa sobrang kitid ng daan, pwede kang humarbat ng sinampay sa mga bahay. Or ng pogi for that matter.)


I met a fine singer in the most unlikely place to meet a performer – a deserted street.

The time was forty five past eleven in the morning in Iligan City, outside the gate of the United Nations office. As I wait in the car for my colleague to return from picking up maps that I would need, I saw a boy wearing sando standing at the other side of the road obviously trying to peek inside the car. He is skinny and small, with a rather feminine posture. He looked towards the car and unsure of his steps, walked slowly.  Worried, I rolled the window and said hi. Voice shaking, he said in Bisaya: I sing well. Let me sing to you.

Having been in Lanao del Norte for few months, it is hard to understand a rattled boy speaking in Bisaya. With difficulty, I asked for his name and I understood as he explained that he would sing to me in exchange for anything to eat. He told his name is Jamil, fifteen years old, sophomore, and an honor student. He and his family lives in Ubaldo Laya, a barangay near the Iligan River I remember to be covered by my organization’s project.  He skipped class that day as he felt the obligation to find food because his family had not eaten for two days already.

Puzzled, I asked him why he has to sing and not directly beg since it is easier. I felt that I have offended him by asking that but instead, Jamil taught me the most important thing about dignity. I maybe hungry and desperate, but I know how to sing. It’s God’s gift to me and I will use it to find my needs. I sing well and I can assure you of that. I need your help, and I have my song in exchange.

How can this hungry child teach the most difficult lesson on dignity?

So I asked what he will sing to me. And true to his promise, he sang beautifully a difficult Regine Velasquez song. Moved by mixed admiration and uneasiness, I politely asked Jamil to stop singing. I cracked a joke saying sorry that I do not have anything to give him in return to his performance. Yet the brightness in his eyes did not fade. He replied that it was still okay because I lent my ears. Laughing, I grabbed Jamil’s hand and congratulated him for such a wonderful rendition. Regine would be jealous if she hears you. Slipping something on his palm, I told him: This is not much but you can tell your mother you have something for lunch today. You take care, sister. God bless you.

My work requires me to meet people like Jamil everyday – people who lost their hopes, homes, livestock, livelihoods, and loved ones because of disasters and conflicts. Oftentimes, I have to ride long hours in motorcycle, cross streams and rivers, and walk on paddies and makeshift bridges in order to reach their communities. And sometimes, falling off a motorcycle in a steep hill and running away from free range pigs is unavoidable. Looking back to the life I used to have in Manila working for a financial company, I realized that the tradeoff is a good deal. As a humanitarian worker, my time is not mine and home is anywhere I am assigned to. Keeping a relationship is difficult too since I cannot be in one place for a very long time. But the deal comes with a package I can never compare to anything – the smile of people’s faces, their stories, their landscapes, and their hope. And luckily, I have the best person to stick with me through and through.

Why do I write this today? I write to invite others to look within their own hearts. What makes you deeply glad? What amazes you with joy and gratitude? How do you measure the most important things?

As for me, I found the answers in that empty street in Iligan. Jamil made me realize that doing that which I am best at is the only way I can be truly happy. That it is worthwhile to offer my time for others. That though I know my actions are not enough to change the society, one significant struggle is enough to challenge the absurd. And that the inspiration we long can come from a single effort to roll the window.

George Cardinal Pell puts it this way: “Don’t spend your life sitting on the fence, keeping your options open, because only commitments bring fulfillment. Happiness comes from meeting our obligations, so we can rise to meet the harder challenges.  One mission is better than a thousand options.”

The world needs people who will give their time and energy to fight the struggle against injustice, oppression, half-truths, and hunger so that people like Jamil could sing their tune without the fear of hunger and indifference. In our today’s pluralistic society, do these things still bother you deep within? Still undecided what course you really like? Still undecided which calling to take? May God discomfort you even more.






Pipinid ang gabi at
lalatag ang panibagong araw
dala ang mga ala-ala mo
ng mapulang lansangan ng Plaza Miranda
ng pag-asang hinugot sa Malate
ng masasayang lakarin ng Binondo
at ang matitingkad na kulay
ng dalampasigan ng Bolinao.


Dumating kang dala
ang ulan sa iyong sinapupunan
at lilisan ring madali
katulad ng paghampas ng alon
sa maitim na buhanginan ng Lingayen -
rumaragasang darating kasama ang alon
uuwing banayad, marahang marahan.



(This is for as partial fulfillment to the subject Kane harassed me to write about but I gladly did. LOL)


Saturday night. Rainy. Three boys waiting for me to join them. Apparently, stupidity kicked late. I never thought there will be a twin bar in Ortigas. Half hearted and half drunk, I went to the one nearest to me. Sorry Kane, next time I will know better.


I wore heavy perfume. Whore-y.


So my rite of initiation began when I hailed a cab to bring me there. It was past two thirty. I remembered Alicia Keys when she sang these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you. The lights were bright. Ultra bright to be exact. I thought to myself this is where my taxes go. I laughed to the idea. No, this is not New York. This is Malate.


So the boys who will perform the rite of initiation picked me up. Jap and Aaron are fine bloggers. Fine 'nuff said. We took seats on a karaoke bar before going to the bar. I had fun listening to the beefy man who sang Whitney Houston. He deserved a half-standing ovation from everyone in the bar. They asked me to sing which is the last thing you will ask me of. They are adamant  and so insisting that it left me no choice but to think of a song to quack. I sang Next in Line. I dedicated it to highschool boys who will go after me on this place. I wish them luck. Real good luck.


After finishing my Glee-ish song performance, we went straight to Obar. Opening the door, I got blinded. No, not because of the neon and par lights. It was the crowd that overwhelmed me. Talk about overpopulation.


Several men would tease me to dance. I didn't plan to meet any other else there. I just want the feel of it. Like smelling flowers in a park. My guardians who supposed to block me from strangers and what nots decided to isolate me and do their own dancing and all that is in between. So the next sentences is about the plan screwed up. Yes ladies and gentlemen, after twenty minutes of shy dancing and corner standing without looking at anyone in particular, boy meets boy. I met his gaze and he met my accidental smile. I never knew how to do formal introductions in bar setting so to my relief, he told me his name. It is Sam. Nineteen like me. Studies in San Sebastian. Fairly good looking. Okay, cute it is. So I have a dancing buddy now. Err, more than that to be politically correct. He told me that he was in the same karaoke bar and saw me when I arrived. I told him that I cannot recognize because of my nervousness. We had good talk about his ex who cannot move on and was dancing in the other bar.


We partied til five am, did occasional kisses blah blah blah. Sam asked for my number which I gave with hesitation. So my guardian brothers asked me to wrap the night. What happened in Malate stays there said Jap. No dears, nothing happened to us after the party. He came by in the afternoon and had good conversation. See, this is me keeping my virtues. LOL


That day, I believed in subjunctive history.


I have met a fine boy in a party. I do not know if I still have M. God knows if he still reads my blog. Whichever, I am not ready for anything yet. Not just yet.


So I think I passed Clubbing 101. Let's see if Clubbing 102 next semester is something to look forward to. Or should I really have to take that too?


(Wink.)




 I still don't know exactly how could I join Darren in Madrid for the World Youth Day on August. First, my aunts are still not affirming if they would help me with my fare. Second, my passport is to be renewed and, God knows how long the queue is just to renew my one stamped passport. Without the passport, I cannot apply for the visa. My only consolation is, beat heavens, visa application fee for participants is waived.



I want this bad. For me, joining or not would largely affect my future plans. Anyway, let's wait and see what should happen.


Are you joining the World Youth Day too? Sabay tayo. Kung hindi, help me get there (:


Kapalan na to ng muka. Desperate case it is. Haha!
Finding ourselves sometimes requires us to go away, travel the road or climb the mountain or just simply join a long travel trip to nowhere. And on the way, we realize we are picking some of our broken pieces one after the another. And maybe, just maybe, when we return home, we are ourselves again. Ever alive.




Pray that the road is long. And on the road are stories of loves found and lost, of run away grooms and childhood sweethearts, of waiting and faithfulness. We immortalize memories on glossy papers and tagged posts. But heart remembers most- the shades of every color of the sun, the every emotion and memory we associate with them.










Life is shitty we know. But after long tricycle rides and boating the angry waves, I came with the realization that life, in all its fine thousand ways, will get me back from my hollowness and, eventually, take my breath away.

Once again.




Pundaquit Beach
Anawangin Cove, Zambales
(c) Juan Carlo Medina
Updating status: wandering.


This is buying time and hoping that by doing so, I can become someone.
This is greeting new faces and trying to remember the old.
This is saying words I really do not mean and feel good about it.
This is going home and finding home anywhere else;
waking up so others may sleep.

This is not sadness. This is about silent struggle for serenity.

This is the kind of life I lead. And this life is not for everyone.



Most of the time it's true. That life, is not, always as we know it.









Ilang beses na naming inikot ang Academic Oval ng pamantasan. Naituro ko na ata sa kanya ang lahat ng mga bagay na only in UP na alam ko. Kumain ng isaw, kumain ng pancit canton meals, magsosyalan sa Vargas museum cafe, mamili ng maroon baller sa SC, tumambay sa AS steps, umupo sa sakto pwet benches sa Sunken Garden. Literal na pinalipas namin ang hapon at gabi na nag-uusap tungkol sa maraming bagay liban sa pag-ibig. Yun kasi ang dahilan kung bakit kami nagkita.
Hindi mo na ko makikitang naglalakad sa mga mausok at maingay na kalye ng Espanya. Hindi mo rin ako makikita sa bahay. Walang nakaka-alam bukod sa sarili ko kung saan ako ngayon nagkukuta. Kung nasaan man ako at kung ano ang dahilan ng paglipat lipat ko, hindi mo rin ibig na malaman dahil wala naman talagang kunkretong dahilan ang aking pagiging lagalag.

Ilang araw na din akong hindi nakakapagbukas ng facebook at ng blog. Sa totoo nyan, palihim kong tinitipa ang mga letrang ito sa pagitan ng mga reklamo sa telepono. Hindi ako makapagpasalamat sa mga dumudungaw sa basurahang ito. Babawi ako.

Malayo sa itsura ng dati kong dorm o ng bahay ang bago kong kuta. Mainit, masikip, walang internet connection, napagpasyahan kong dito lumagi. Mag-iisang linggo na din ako dito. Pwede naman akong umuwi sa bahay naming bagong gawa o permanenteng tugunin ang request ng lola ko na lumagi na sa Malolos pero nandito ako, pawisan kapag matutulog, walang kilala at walang pangalan. Kilala ako ng mga housemates ko bilang Jayson. Bukod dun, isang bagay lang ang nag-uugnay sa amin. Pareparehas kaming mga puta sa gabi.

Sinasabi ko na dati, wirdo ako. You can find me in one place and gone the next moment. You may see me as someone you know very well then a perfect stranger in another. I have circles of friends that know me in different ways. I am afraid to be attached to a person so much, knowing that I am leaving sooner or later. It's not living a double life full of pretensions because I don't fake my laughter to please people. My smile is always genuine and my stories have truths. It's just that I live in perpetual wandering, like there is a gypsy within me passing through thousand streets and waking up seeing hundreds of different ceilings.

Sabi nga ni Hannah Jo,
this kind of life is not for everyone. And sometimes people don’t understand. So you put up a façade of being carefree even when you are crying inside, so that when you leave, you will at least leave a good story behind.

...

Naniniwala akong laging may iba't-ibang anggulo ang istorya. Nakakalungkot isipin na sa pagsusumikap mong malaman ang dalawang mukha ng barya, kalakip nito ang posibilidad na mawalan ka ng kaibigan. Sa pagitan man ito ng kape o serbesa, ang katotohanang nawalan sayo ng tiwala ang isang kaibigan ang pinakamalungkot, higit sa kamatayan, na parte ng pagkatao natin. Ngunt dahil ang laging kupkop ng puso ay ang kaligayahan ng kaibigan, hinahayaan na natin silang gumawa at magpatuloy ng istorya maski di na tayo kasali sa mga susunod na pahina.

Kailangan nating makuntento sa desisyon ng ibang tao para sa kanilang sarili. Sa ganoong paraan lang natin mauunawaan ang kagandahan ng malayang pagpapasya. Kung pipilitin kasi nating ibalik ang dati, o ibahin ang gusto nila, tinatanggalan natin sila ng kalayaang mamili ng sarili nilang diskarte sa buhay.

...

Bawal akong uminom at magyosi at maglibog ng isang linggo sabi ng doktor. Ugh, may tatlong araw pa ko.

...

Mukhang kailangan ko na namang bumalik sa bahay. Pesteng kumpanya to, palipat lipat sa akin ng site.

...

Until then, I remain a modern gypsy roaming in the city streets, searching.



*salamat kay Hannah Jo, isa ding lagalag.


Maaga akong umalis. Free day kasi. Wala naman talaga akong pupuntahan kasi wala na rin akong pera. Pero biglang pumasok sa isip ko ang ideya ng pagdiriwang ng sambayanan ngayong araw.




Anibersaryo ng EDSA pipol pawer nga pala. Anibersaryo ng pagiging malayang Pilipino ko.




Plano kong magsimba.




Di na ko nagatubiling maligo. 6:00 am na. Pagkatapos kamayin ang ulam, umakyat at atubiling nagbihis ng itim na t-shirt, nag-maong na hindi pa nalalabhan ng dalawang bwan, nag-flops, kumuha ng mga baryang nakakalat at nagpunta sa lugar na di ko naman talaga pinlano na puntahan. Sakay ng bus sa halagang sampung piso, binaba ako ni manong drayber sa ilalim ng tulay ng Ortigas. Maraming midya. Walang welgista. Pero maraming pulis na nagbabantay. Pumasok ako sa simbahang nasa ilalim ng entablado ng katapangan ng isang bansa. Lumuhod, tumunganga, nakanganga. Walang ordinaryong bagay ang nangyari. Walang ingay maliban sa pasulpot-sulpot na mga pulis na maiingay.




Wala pang eksena sa makasaysayang lugar na to. Tahimik. Di ko alam ang dahilan. Pero di nasayang ang pagpunta ko. Nilibot ko yung paligid at nagmasid. Wala ng pumapansin sa akin eh. Ayos parang may VIP id ako. Walang interisante maliban sa isang babaeng nagpupumilit na wag lumabas dahil daw karapatan nya raw ang magsagawa ng munting pagiingay dun. "Simbahan po ito, Manang...". "Putangnang mga pulis kayo, asshole shit kayo! Bat nyo ko pinipigilan ha?!! Stop holding me. Son of a bitch!!?!"




Maliban dun, wala nang makikitang eksena.




Napaisip ako kung bakit EDSA 1 day ngayon pero walang happenings...dati-dati maski gantong umaga, balita na sa tv ang mga pangyayare. Pero wala talaga eh.




Di kaya walang happenings kasi nandun ako?!??




Malay. Ang alam ko, wala talaga akong intensyon na magpunta duon pero sa kalagitnaan ng 6:00 at 6:01 am eh bigla ko yung naisip. Nosi balasi. Nagpunta ako para tumunganga sa mga pinintang sining ng kalayaan. Wala man akong nakitang something spectacular, lalo namang tumindi ang pagnanasa (wow tagalog!) kong magsulat ng isang libro in the future. Pangarap ko talaga yun simula nung 15 yrs old ako (eh sixteen ka pa nga lang!) Naastigan kasi ako sa mga kwentong barberong nabubuo sa aking utak. Ang totoo nyan, may mga nakahandang karakter na sa utak ko. Gusto kong magsulat ng kwento tungkol sa isang taong napinid (wow tagalog ulit!) sa pagitang problema, pagpili at pangarap....ewan, ka-wirdohang ek-ek ko na naman.




Pero pramis, gusto ko talagang magsulat.




(*tanong: paano naging magkaugnay ang pagpunta sa EDSA ng hindi naliligo at ang pangarap na maging manunulat? Ipasa ang sagot gamit ang sinaunang pamamaraan ng pagsusulat. heirogyphics accepted.)