More than twelve years years ago, I met and befriended the Jesuit +Fr. Meehan who began to organize in the 90s the settlements along the west side of Marikina River which became my parish, my home. It was in this same parish that he would come so very often as a guest priest and would prefer to say Mass in the Olandes Chapel, close to the people he loved deeply. My Amma was one of those who would be thrilled when Fr. Meehan is the presider, kahit hindi nya naiintindihan madalas. For a community back then with many people whose English is still limited, he was a clear favorite.

I met him when he was already retired but the fire in his eyes and the tenderness of his simple homilies would form part of my conscious yearning to love exactly like him - total, complete, and life-giving. Each meeting with him was always something I look forward to. In many ways, he became my lolo figure as I didn’t get to know either of my lolos. In 2012, Fr. Meehan died. I wasn’t there to send him off. I was on my second assignment as a humanitarian worker - Mindanao. Somehow, I knew he would understand.

Fast foward to few years when I joined a vocation retreat organized by the Jesuits in their novitiate in Novaliches, I made sure to drop by his grave. Since I was away for quite a while, I told him about all my adventures. I shared to him my fears, my desires - the deepest ones, and those daydreamings where I would follow his footsteps someday. He was the first to affirm that something is going on inside my heart and that I should listen to it intently. How could he know.

I know you’re gone to Jesus your beloved friend, but I know too that your prayers still carry me through these days. How you cared for one skinny boy from Olandes like me and told me that one day, I would set this world on fire.

You are fondly remembered.

Last week, we took refuge in a decrepit chapel. We were greeted by women who made it their sacred duty in life to keep their faith alive despite the lack of sacraments and available priests. They know no theology, their altar bare, and their liturgy is plain.

In San Fernando, power is only available four hours a day. And if we want to bathe or do the dishes, we have to fetch water in the nearby well. And at night, the possibility of getting bitten by rats and mosquitos would not give us comfort.

But like Marta who made sure Jesus would have something to eat and somewhere to sleep, these women showed me what generosity is. In the morning, they would bring trays of eggs, fruits, fish, and breads for us. They would not charge for our transport. Simply, they take joy in knowing that they are giving out of their own need, out of their own want. How could I not miss that?

Nanay Lanie, Virgie, Lyn, Minda, Nora, Saling, Leoning and so many others in that village. The kingdom of heaven belongs to them.

A large part of the priestly formation is the study of philosophy. Philosophy, as a discipline, is the fundamental preparation for studying theology. I'd like to believe that the level of philosophical understanding acquired by a seminarian has very significant impact on how he will deal and survive theology since philosophy exercises rational rigor and coherence which are very crucial when one begins to study divine revelations and Church teachings.

Last semester I was juggling nine units of philosophy (Metaphysics, Special Ethics, History of Modern Philosophy) along with Latin grammar and general education and research courses. While I admit that it is no easy task to teach and understand the subjects, I think I fared well. And this semester, I am taking another nine units of philosophy subjects (Epistemology, Augustinology, and History of Medieval Philosophy) along with yet another bout of Latin grammar and teaching courses.

But something worries me since the the first time I went to class: our religious formators' (priest and brother professors) pedagogy.

Not that I am concluding that I find their instruction of no worth. In fact, there are rare moments when I could say some of them really know their subjects well and there is no doubt about that (generally). My fear is that our learning is sub-optimal because their teaching method and how they manage the courses are sub-optimal too. I came to the seminary expecting a rigorous philosophical training but I find my our formators too lax and lazy. One particular priest-professor does not even prepare a course syllabus or guideline, something that is both basic and essential for any course. He's not very old but he gets away with reasons that such things are not necessary. His classroom management is totally obscure and is largely dependent to his mood. Blocking almost anything "modern" as development being introduced in our formation, he likes to say that the seminary has survived all these years without these "new stuff". And until now, like most of our religious formators, he has not yet submitted our grades from the last semester, given that their responsibilities are comparatively light. They have no additional task other than seminary responsibilities. I wonder what consumes their time which prevent them from preparing for class and computing grades.

They like saying along the lines such as "Read and study by yourself. That's the only way you will learn. Do not depend on me to learn. You cannot question my authority on this subject. If you do not understand, it's not my problem anymore. Everything has a connection, so me telling you about a totally unrelated stuff which came across my mind is still considered part of the class' lesson. The book's example is no better than what I said, so take my word instead of the book. You are asking a question out of your ignorance." Most of us do not understand, or understand only a point or two, after each lesson. Yet in the history of the seminary, very few would flunk their subjects.

Seminarians would advice the new ones with survival guides. "If you want a smooth semester and pass the evaluation, don't ask questions. Always affirm. If they mock you or belittle you, take it all, that's humility. Read in advance and try to absorb as much as you can. No one has ever said the right answer in his class. Never question their authority on the subject even if the error is glaring at your face."

It's as if we are only being taught to get by.

While everything seems bleak at this angle, I enjoy other classes whose professors give their best to the call of teaching. Such are Miss Carbonel of my psychology class and Fr. Almayo of metaphysics.

And I enjoy my prayer and community life too. Though there are some minor aspects I would like to address as well like the lack of spiritual direction.

Some seminarians think I am just an unruly and "unformable" neophyte who compares things to the "outside world", I am least worried about what they think. I was also branded as elitist. I have been very transparent with my observation and I do not hide it. But I take careful steps in expressing these.

While I worry for my own self, I am more worried for my brother seminarians. We come from different intellectual backgrounds some of us really are having a hard time catching up. And I could only do so much for them for I am only learning too. My greater worry is, with this kind of preparations we are receiving, what kind of priests and brothers will we be in the future?

It is said that philosophy is the handmaiden of theology. It is worrisome to demand so much from learning? 

Lord, I've been through many days when I feel like I was only moving on autopilot. Those days when problems at home and in the seminary seemed overwhelming. On those moments, I would think of quitting right away. There were days too when I would think that I was a better Christian when I was still outside. At this early, I already have doubts if I am really where you want me to be. I have listed in my head the long list of things I don't like about the seminary and the imperfections I have witnessed: the lack of vibrancy in academic formation, the values and inconsistencies of the formators, the overall feeling that we are being formed out of fear instead of to be formed in love. Lord, I have listed it all in my mind.

Some days come when I do not feel like participating in the seminary schedule. Yet, I would find myself dragging my way out of my room, with just enough faith to go on for the next schedule. Yet days will come when I am vibrant and full of life. In days that I feel otherwise, Lord please send me an ounce of fortitude. I do not ask for a perpetual supply but a daily ration of Your love. Baka mapanis kasi.

I am resolved to ask You daily for faith, that even when I do not understand the way things happen in my life, you are there to give me just a little more to go on. Just enough to start my engine again.

Then in my own accord, do Your will as I ought to. Amen.

They say that coming out is the most courageous thing any person can ever do. I disagree. I think the most courageous thing any man can do is to love the same person everyday despite all the seemingly overwhelming situations. To choose the same person however difficult it is to resist temptation - that is courage beyond language and euphemisms.

Kailangan ko ba kayong isa-isahin? Mula sa planong mag-hahapunan hanggang sa nauwi sa isang party, hanggang ngayon ay iniisip ko, napaka-swerte ko naman upang mabiyayaan ng mga kaibigan tulad nyo. Sa totoo lang, wala sa plano ko ang isang party para sa higit tatlumpung tao. Gayunpaman, dumating ang lahat - kaibigan mula pagkabata, tropa nung highschool, ang mga bloggers sampu ng kanilang mga ehem, kasama.


So there, I am officially twenty one. Umamin na rin ako sa kababata ko na hindi ako straight. Pinakilala sa lahat ng maagang dumating si M, na kung babalikan ko ang pag-mumuni, ay syang dahilan at paraan ng pagiging mas totoo ko sa sarili. Baabaa, kung alam mo lang kung gano ako kasaya. Sa lahat ng kasawian at pagkabigo na naisulat ko dito, ikaw lang pala ang hinihintay upang mapawi ang mga kalungkutan.


Salamat,


Kay Nate and Little Nikki na pang-model naman ang height, salamat sa pagdating at sa dagdag alak, napatumba natin sila.


At talagang pinilit nyong magtrend ang #YasParty2012 sa Twitter. Infairness, dinikit nyo pa sa #WhiteParty ha.


Nim at Leo, kayo ang mga perky sunflowers ko pagdating sa relasyon. Salamat sa specialty nyong Baliwag chicken lechon.


Louie, hanggang sa mga susunod pa na perky days!


Ryan, pinapangako ko mas gagalingan ko ang hosting skills ko. Salamat sa chaofan java rice na blockbuster.


Jap, dad salamat sa dala mong bisita saya at cupcake. Sorry di kagad kita nasabihan na di tuloy ang tea and cupcake ceremony. It is always nice to see you.


Nox, dad salamat sa pagpunta. Alam kong effort ang manggaling ng Cavite na nakasuot ng killer outfit at may dala-dalang litro-litro ng softdrinks.


Babit, salamat. Sa susunod gagawa ako ng rampahan. Dadagdagan ko na din ang ilaw para mas feel nyo ang rampa.


Pao, salamat sayo at sa boypren. Looking at you guys sleeping together is something... I will always remember about.


Yo, ikaw na mabenta sa maraming bisita, wag ka na ulit pupunta ha. Chot. Salamat sa pagdayo mula Maynila.


Kane, akala ko pa naman regalo mo yung mga dala mo salamat sa pagpunta. It's always fun when you are around.


YJ, ikaw na reyna ng crowd. Thanks for staying and bringing laughter to the crowd.


Tropa, I will always remember that day. Through and through, you never guys left me. Isn't five years after highschool and counting?


Mahabagin friends, you are the best UP crowd I ever met. Para sa mga susunod pang inuman at adventures sa buhay!




To everyone, my sincerest thanks. Kagabi, may dinner pa kong surprise birthday celebration and I realized, I am blessed beyond I ever imagined.


Adele was writing sad love songs when she was twenty one. I don't think I will write sad lines this year. Because grace, far greater than me, is always present to sustain every sadness, longing and lacking. And speaking of grace, I thank You for being on my side throughout the storms and calm seas. You are that tiny whisper in my ears saying, "Gora, dito lang achi. Keri mo yan."


Hanggang dito na lamang at maraming salamat.


AMDG

The youth are the foremost victims of the Reproductive Health Bills pending in both houses of Congress. It is our generation that will face the reality of the many risks so intimately involved in this measure. It is our welfare that is on the line. It is our voice that we seek to be heard today.

We are for responsible parenthood and we, too, desire to see every Filipino family free from the burdens of poverty.  However, spending for a measure to fiddle with demographics is a gross misallocation of scarce resources. Addressing needs for quality education and opportunities for employment hits poverty at its core. Massive government spending for contraception and mandatory sex education in all schools enlivens the risk of aggravating the decline of our demographics, of eroding our values, and of reshaping our society after the designs of foreign intervention. There is no warrant against this. This is a gamble of our future.
  
We are for reproductive health and we, too, intend to shield mothers and their children from the risks of complications at childbirth. However, pregnancy is not the disease that can find a cure in contraception. Massive government spending for products with known health detriments is tantamount to a government serving our people harm.  Improving access to pre- and post-natal care, of which the RH Bills speak so scarcely about, addresses maternal mortality directly. The RH Bills, instead, advocate reproductive health by heavily promoting mismoderated use of artificial contraception, neglecting the impracticability and impossibility of “informed choice” in the poorest, most populated hospitals and health centers. This ultimately risks the rise in the number of victims of contraceptive failure, the development of a contraceptive mentality, the erudition of family values, and the eventual demand for abortion. There is no warrant against this. This is a gamble of our future.

We are for population management and development and we, too, dream of progress. However, genuine progress can never be achieved until our government invests genuinely in our people.  Our population is an asset. Government must treat it as an asset. Rural development, entrepreneurship, improved standards of education, expansion of opportunities for employment, intensified thrusts for scientific research and development, cultivation of our arts and culture – these constitute genuine investments in our people. This is the way to secure our future.

While the RH Bill posits itself as a comprehensive attempt to relieve our people of a particular ill, it is this very claim of comprehensiveness that blinds it from its cons. We cannot afford to gamble our future. We cannot afford to legislate what constitutes harm to our people.

The youth, in defense of our welfare, can and will invest our support in legislators who know how to genuinely invest in us.

In solidarity, we declare our opposition to the RH Bill. This is our voice. This is our vote.


ELIAS JAYSON TOLENTINO
College of Social Sciences and Philosophy | UP Diliman
News Writer, Philippine Collegian
Member, Center for Nationalist Studies
Convenor, UP For Life
Convening Member, UP Scholars Choose Life Coalition

Do you know what I have done to you? He then commanded, "Love one another just as I have loved you." 

- from the readings of Mass of the Last Supper, taken from the Gospel of John

Para kay M

Nagtagpo tayong walang mukha

sa isang mundo.

At unti-unti

marahang marahan

di lamang ngiti

ang nasilayan ko.

Pati ang ayos at kuntento.

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng

dalampasigan

sa pagdampi ng mga alon

at ng pokpok na naka-quota

pagsilip ng liwanag.

Ken

Siguro nga at napako ako sa ikaw na nakilala ko limang taon ang nakakaraan. Sa panahong ang mga bagay para sa atin ay kasing dali ng pagbirit ni Charice Pempengco at ang mga bagay na pinag-uusapan natin ay ang mga sintunadong pagkanta tuwing misa o paano tatakas para uminom tuwing tapos na ang pag-aaral ng pilosopiya.

Naiwan nga siguro ako ng pagtanda natin.

Pangatlong araw ko na dito sa timog, kung saan ang kapayakan ng palligid ay nakakabighani. Ilang buwan natin itong pinag-usapan, ang pag punta rito, ngunit mag-isa akong tumawid at nabasa ng mga alon.

Hindi na nga ata kita kilala.

Dapat nga sana pala ay di ko sayo noon pinakilala si Patrick, ang ex-date ko na naging espesyal sayo. O kaya naman ay di na sana ako nagbigay ng payo sa kanya na hwag na hwag kang balikan sa kahit anong pagkakataon kung hindi nya kaya na unawain ang ugali mo. Kakaunti ang nakakaunawa sayo at pinagpapalagay kong isa ako dun. Ganon kita kamahal bilang kaibigan, ayokong sumakit ang ulo mo sa paulit-ulit na hiwalayan nyo. Sana pala minahal kita ng mas kaunti.

Nasaktan ako sa naging takbo ng pag-uusap nyo ni Patrick na natuloy sa pagbabalikan nyo. Sa pagbabalik nya, naiwan ako. Ang pakielamerong ako, ako na hindi na nagpaliwanag sa tunay na nangyari.

Ngunit maligaya ako, Ken. Sa wakas, kayo na muli ni Patrick. Kung mabasa mo man ito, nais kong malaman mong masaya ako at muli nyong natagpuan ang ayos sa relasyon nyo. Hindi na muli ako siguro makikialam sa kahit anong pagkakataon. Malaki ka na. Naiwan mo nga ako.

Edge

Naalala mo pa ba ang mga kalokohan kong sinakyan natin? Ang mga pagyakap sa mga mayayabong na puno. Ang mga food trip na nauuwi sa pandadaot sa mga di kilala. Ang paglilipat ng tirahan dahil sa praning na room mate. Ang pag-inom sa madidilim na eskinita ng Cubao. Sa liblib ng Antipolo. Sa mga biglaang road trip at island hopping. Nakilala mo ang masayang ako. Ang malungkot na ako. At sa mas maraming pagkakataon, kinilala kita.

Marami tayong bagay na di napagkakaunawaan. Napakalayo din ang mga mundo natin. Ngunit sa ilang taon, nagawan natin ng paraan na magtagpo ang mga hilig mo at ang mga kagustuhan ko. Marami na ring lihim ang nagbuklod sa atin at sa palagay ko, ang mga lihim ang naging ugat ng pagkakaibigan natin.

Di ko alam kung saan ako nagkamali pero ang malinaw, hindi na rin maganda ang pagkakaibigan natin ngayon. Ang palagay mo, ako ang may dahilan. Di ko maintindihan kung bakit. Ayoko na ring magpumilit at magdahilan. Wala akong kapanatagan. Di ako karapatdapat sa galit mo. Patawad kung ayoko.

We don't know where the future is taking us or what we will encounter along the way. We know we are leaving a lot behind, and yet that which matters most is always with us. We may be glad to be leaving some things behind, and for other things we will grieve bitterly. Yet in our hearts we know there is no way back. If we try to carry our baggage with us, we will get stuck at the first hurdle, unable to carry the weight of all that we think we can't live without... Yet, whatever has shaped our past will become the new beginning of the future. No fragment of our experience, however painful it may have felt, is lost or wasted, in the growing of God's dream. (Margaret Silf)

After four months of hoping that he would soon understand love, my work, my passion and the kind of life I lead, I finally ended everything.

Starting today, I am leaving everything about us behind. I deserve to be truly happy. And you too. Good night.Dec 22, 12:49AM

I ended a lonely story of loving the person who only sits next to me when everyone is not looking and only makes love when he is horny. Whoring days are over. Idiot days too. Looking back, I was stupid to return to him in the first place. But I learned a great deal. Ewan ko kung natuto sya. Kung English nga nahihirapan sya, pag-ibig ko pa kaya. Good luck sa kanya. Mag-eentrance exam pa naman sya next year sa UP Law. The nerd!


Mas mabuti na ang Paskong hindi ko kailangang sumali sa mga melankola mong napaka-babaw. Maski malasing ako, ang tangi ko na lang iisipin ay mga pangarap kong gusto kong tuparin at hindi ang mga makasarili mong pagkalungkot na ayaw mo naman i-share.


Sabi nga ni Amapola na isang manananggal sa Tomas Morato, kahit anong sakit at hapdi man yan, pinoproseso lang.


Hawi ng bangs sabay lipad.

Nais kong ipakita sa mga nagkakait ng karapatan sa pag-ibig sa tinubuang lupa, na kapag tayo'y marunong mag-alay ng sariling buhay alinsunod sa ating tungkulin at paniniwala, ang kamataya'y di mahalaga, kung papanaw dahil sa ating mga minamahal- ang ating bayan at iba pang mga mahal sa buhay.

-mula sa bantayog ni Rizal, Luneta

Saludo, Ka Roger.

Ipagpapatuloy ang paglilingkod sa Bayan!

Huli kitang nakasama noong nakaraang linggo. Suot mo ang paborito mong shorts na pang-alis, nandun pa rin ang mantsa ng bolpen na kagagawan ko. Isang bagay lang ang nakapanibago sayo nung gabing yon. Magaling na ang sugat na tinahi sa kaliwa mong pisngi. Nakakalibog nakaka-ibig ka na ulit ngumiti. May sugat ako ngayon sa braso, naalala ko tuloy ang mga binili mong band aid. Isang kahon ng kulay yellow. At isa pang kahon na kulay blue. Ako nagpapalit ng takip sa tahi mo kapag dumarating ka. Wala, naalala ko lang.

Pano ba wakasan ang isang magandang mailking kwento? Sa pagwawakas ba ng isang talata natatapos ang isang magandang kasaysayan? Pinipilit kong alalahanin ang mga detalye. Siguro sa tagal ko na ring nahumaling sa mga ala-ala mo, nawala na ang orihinal na bersyon ng mga nangyari.

Kailanma'y di naging isyu sa akin ang kung sino ka. Kuntento ako sa payapang binibigay sakin ng katahimikan tuwing magkasama tayo. Nangako akong iibigin kita kasama ng mga bagahe mo. Pero may dapat kang simulan. May dapat kang ayusin. At ako, may kailangan akong tapusin.

Pero higit kaylanman, hindi ko kakalimutan ang aking Setyembre.

Kaya, paano nga tinutuldukan ang isang maikling kwento?

Sa salitang di hihigit sa sandaan, ganito kita iniwan.

Marami ka pang dapat matutunan, A. Kung paano ko natagpuan ang pag-ibig na sayo ko lang naramdaman, gusto kong mahanap mo ang sarili mo sa paraang ikamamangha mo. Ayokong dumating ang araw na magsisi ka dahil sa mga sinasabi ko. Hanapin mo kung sino ka at saan nahahagilap ang hiwaga at panatag ng isang malayang pamumuhay. Iba ang ikaw na nagpapanggap at ang ikaw na haharap sayo salamin. Walang dapat magsabi ng kung sino ka. Kaya hahayaan kitang hinahunin ang sarili mong unos. At ako pipiliting lumikha ng pag-ibig o maghintay depende sa agos at takbo ng buhay.

Ikaw ang pag-ibig ko sa panahon ng tag-ulan. Ikaw ang nagmulat sa akin sa payapang taglay ng paghihintay sa pag-tila nito, sa ligaya ng paglusong dito. Tapos na ko sa kasaysayang sinulat natin sa pagtatapos ng Agosto. At ngayong kailangan kitang paliparin tulad sa tutubing napatid sa patibong ng isang bata, hindi kita malilimutan.

Salamat sa malalamig na gabi ng Setyembreng ating pinagsaluhan. Pina-ibig mo ako ng wagas at lubos. Iibig akong muli. Mas wagas at higit na lubos.

Maraming salamat. Panibagong simula, lumipad ka.

It is impossible to further the common good without acknowledging and defending the right to life, upon which all the other inalienable rights of individuals are founded and from which they develop.


[...] The meaning of life is found in giving
and receiving love, and in this light human sexuality and procreation reach their true and full significance. Love also gives meaning to suffering and death; despite the mystery which surrounds
them, they can become saving events. Society as a whole must respect, defend and promote the dignity of every human person, at every moment and in every condition of that person's life.


from Evangelium Vitae, on the Value and Inviolability of Human Life

It was May and the term has just ended. My first year in the seminary was extremely memorable and fun. I went home with all my books and clothes, leaving nothing of a trace that I once stayed there. She was wearing her usual smile when she opened the gate, she didn't know I was expelled.


There is a Visayan lullaby about a mother buying bread. I could still remember former days of waking up and finding the bed next to me empty. And there at the gate, just before the first light of the day hit our glass window, she would be entering with hot pan de sal in brown paper bag and some nice breakfast.


Ili-ili tulog anay. Wala diri imong nanay. Kadto tienda bakal papay. Ili-ili tulog anay.


It was that same May of three years ago when she went on. Just some few days before I turned seventeen. That was really heartbreaking, seeing your mama wait for you from a long day just to have a company to hospital. She didn't want any other else to bring her. She wanted me. And wanted me late.


Many relatives say I am so like her. I could talk and think with the same nobility and brilliance she possessed. That flatters very very much. After all, I like it. I am a Mama's boy.


Three years after, I would still want her back sometimes. I know there is more life after her and I have moved on. Afterall, she has moved to her loving God.


If Nimmy, Leomer and Louie find my perkiness overwhelming on my first Bachetto night, I think they have caught a glimpse of what type of mother I have.


Mama, wherever you are, stay there. Do not visit me or I would be a screaming shit. I am fine and I have good friends. I cannot send you flowers. Please do not send me one or I will be screaming hell. I am well and I profoundly remember our memories. I love you. Happy Mama's Day.


---------------------
Oh, Happy Mother's day too to my Ate and Amma!

I wish Mama is around to hug and cuddle this little tyke. Proud mother she is to us, I am sure she will be prouder this time with Yuri Eliazar.

As I write this post, I remember his first words as a successor of Peter: do not be afraid. His constant invitation to young people to be witnesses in today's world rings to many like a wild fire, consuming everything that touches its surface. If there is a man who have found his deepest gladness and at the same time found his heart's desire in a most absolute and final way, it would be Karol. 

Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that [God] is with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. I wonder how much of a man could live in total surrender to something that eyes cannot see. As Benedict XVI puts it, a beatitude of faith like Mary's.

Today, we honor a life well lived. A life lived in total selflessness and resolution to guide a world away from Marxist ideals, apathy and tolerance. With him, people stand firm in faith, absolute to truth and to what is right. I think if Karol is still alive, he would write to the Philippine government about preserving life and upholding it's dignity. I wish he is still around.

A life totally dependent to God. A life consumed by that same fire that moved the disciples to brave stormy seas. A life that reflects life from his God. Karol Josef. John Paul. Totus tuus ego sum.

When you told me to stop waiting, I choked.
Don't you remember when I said I don't mind hanging?
No you said. You should leave me from here and move on.




Sana kapag naiguhit mo na lahat ng dapat iguhit, lahat ng defense ay naipasa, at naubos na ang mga dahilan kung bakit wala kang panahong sumaya, yung tunay na masaya, maalala mong hindi nauubos ang lahat ng dapat katakutan. Ang tanging paraan ay ang tumalikod sa dilim, at marahang hagilapin ang anyo at porma ng kasiyahan.


At kapag naubos na lahat ng dahilan na pwede mong maisip at natapos na ang mga pangangatwiran, makahanap ka nawa ng ayos at daloy.

As I wearily unpacked my luggage later that day, I remembered when I was in Philosophy, oh, about 2000 years ago, and Fr. Ferriols taught us when he had fire in his eyes and fire in his mouth and fire in his fists.  And there was great honor in being under Ferriols, because the spirit of the times was that if you didn’t go through Ferriols, you didn’t quite go throughthe Ateneo.  But then, coming back to the present, I thought that dear Fr. Roque had already reached his dreams.  He should really be just resting, reading, watching tv, hearing confessions here and there, saying mass, and wish for the end of the Arroyo regime–things that a good old man should be doing after a job well done all of his life.
But the truth of the matter is: here is a priest, a man, a creature of God who goes for broke, and keeps going for broke.  Fr. Ferriols makes you wonder if at such an age you would still go for broke over something you were so very passionate for all your life–or would you just rest upon a silent rock like a dry, wet leaf and allow the seasons to slowly return you unto the earth?  Fr. Ferriols makes us wonder if there is something in our lives that we have done out of powerful love for God, that we go for broke over it–despite being mocked for it and being asked why.  Fr. Ferriols makes me wonder if I have loved God enough at any single point in my life, so that I go for broke: broken body, broken heart, broken bones and broken spirit–and yet keep inching my way towards my destination, because deep in my heart, God is still on fire.  Even when the world around me things if I would make it there on time, or if I would ever make it at all.
Go for broke, that’s what I strongly sense is the message of today’s gospel.  To give everything that we are for a particular passion for God and God’s people; to lose ourselves in that passion, so that broken pieces of ourselves fly all over the place, leaving us with hardly anything, anything except God.  Only God.  And in God, we are made incredibly whole.

-Fr. Roque Ferriols, S.J.: the man who goes for broke”: a homily by Fr. Arnel C. Aquino, S.J.

She turns another year today. Last year, I bought her a nice black rocky dress from Cambio. I do not know what to give her this time. With Yuri Eliazar barely two months old, she still manages to take care of my three other sisters. That is a feat I tell you.

And to this woman who is so compassionate and ever trusting, whose idea of family I would never understand, I would forever be thankful. Thankful for assuming the position of a parent when Mama went on, thankful for her confidence that someday, we will all shift sands. If there is ever a woman so resilient and so fierce at the same time, that would be my eldest sister.

When things went crazy in my big and uber extended family (that is when I scold my older cousins to take charge of everything they are so lazy about), I realized I do not need a big family. I just need a brother and a father that I have to love nonetheless, three younger sisters I fancy so much, a grandmother who is so dear to me, and an elder sister I would always be thankful for.

Ohana. Family.

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