Part Two: Fool with you

by Yas Jayson Sunday, September 11, 2011 2 palagay

 

 

You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be – white dress, prince charming who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill. You'd lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming –they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true.
-Save Me, Grey's Anatomy Season Two

 
This is how I woke up the following day. When the alarm clock rang five thirty, eyes closed and trusting muscle memory I tried to reach it with my right hand. But I can't reach, something blocks my way to reach it. If I won't stop the ringing now, the whole house would be awake in minutes. I did not want that, the housemates slept very late last night. So I tried to push my way, removing the object that occupies the space between me and the alarm clock. It won't move. I tried to push it harder. The object stir and yawned and reach the alarm clock. The ringing went dead. Then suddenly I realized, the object is a boy. The boy. The boy from the bus.

So it's true. I brought home a boy and slept with/on/under him. Gah. I slept with a handsome stranger. A stranger whose nickname (which may not even true) is all I know of.

Whether it's landi or fate, bahala na. Sleeping with this boy felt so good.I kissed him on the chick, very near to his lips. He smiled, a smile you would always want to see, just like in toothpaste commercials. He caged me in his tight embrace. Very tight we felt each other's morning boner. Gah. That day, I didn't go to work. I was to occupied with his presence. Going to work that day would be like going out without wearing shirt.

I chose to stay with him that day, to know him more, to let him loose his tounge. I knew it was a big no-no according to Kane's One Night Stand Rule Book, this falling in love thing after the first night. But good girls and boys sometimes bend rules, specially on special occassions.

Because I was sure the boy is more than special. For how often in a million chances that we meet strangers who can captivate heart and soul at the same time?

 

Maybe I am assuming early or I am not. I leave everything to grace.

 

But ate charo, his actions are too likely to be recognized as love.

He comes around after his work, reads beside me, makes love to me twice or thrice a night but never tells why he comes and stays. There is the faintest hint of love but I don't assume, I made sure from the start I should be guarded at least. Maybe this boy, who claims he is straight, or still struggling to be in terms with his self, just feels good whenever around me. Maybe he is only here for company, for validation. I am afraid to ask him if he loves me too, everday I am afraid. I am afraid with his silence. I do not mind if I am a one-way chick.

 

He became a regular visitor. My housemates like him and his bribes. He would often come unannounced and we would have dinner together. I was a good boy those weeks, managed to deprive myself from banging other boys I met online or while jogging at the university. I chose to be faithful, ate charo. I knew I love him and I choose to love him everyday. Only him. And I make sure he knows that.

 

Every morning when he leaves I would feel like Kim, letting him bring a part of me away knowingly. He can break my heart with his irrationalities but he can make it whole again in the night. My this-boy-cannot-hurt-me tactic did not work. It used to work in my ex-relationships but not this with him. Saigon is not really that guarded afterall.

He validates and negates me at the same time. Is it wrong to love a boy who does that to you? The old fucking quotes would always pop in my mind. Love without asking for return. Love until it hurts. Love until it no longer hurts. No regrets, just love. Love-plus-all-the-nice-things-to-say-when-you-are-not-lonely.

It's official. After almost two years, I am in love with someone exclusively again, hoping that his surprises, his kisses, his embraces would turn into something really profound, something more than lust or need.

 

If that happens one day, then I am the luckiest boy ever.

 

 

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important, happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
-Save Me, Grey's Anatomy Season Two