sequere me

by Yas Jayson Wednesday, September 07, 2016 2 palagay duc in altum god of greater scheme home sweet home leaving and living

At 23, I became the youngest manager in an international development organization. At 24, I was already managing a whole team responding to disasters and building resilient communities. I drive my own car, I live by myself, and I can eat as many sashimis that I want. I have traveled to many countries and cities, worked with the state and in international bodies, seen hundreds of sunsets and woke up in hundred beds that are not mine. I partied, I traveled, I drank to my limits. At 25, I'm having the best time of my life.

It was not enough. People closest to me know I never stick to one thing for a long period. I would always go for something better, something higher. I am restless.

Somewhere in my heart, I know I'm not only made to be like this person. I knew I could take this love for life to a higher level. My decision was a product of uncomfortable experiences and intense prayers. I had one month to say good bye to everyone and everything. It was difficult and very tiring to squeeze dozens of goodbye meetups while rendering extra hours at work, boxing up possessions and sending them away to different addresses, drinking and merrying and enjoying my last days as a secular man.

Thirty days ago, I made my way to Baguio. This city set in mountain ranges has a certain charm that I always like so when I was informed that the formation years will be spent in Baguio, I knew my decision was right. In exchange, my life became smaller and I don't have the remote control to everything anymore. I have to wake up daily at five in the morning, spend at least five hours in prayer, eight in studies, and the rest of the day to community activities. The food is tolerable, the accommodation minimum. I had to obey younger people and submit myself to the scrutiny of formators who may or may not decide that I shall become one of them. During the first week I had a crisis and deeply considered backing out. I don't seem to fit. I still have not fulfilled my duties to my sisters and brothers. I have big dreams and I have this insatiable proclivity to discover the world. While praying, I came across a passage that assured me. My grace is enough for you. For in your weakness, power reaches perfection. So here I am, persevering.

When Jesus asked his first disciples "follow me", sequere me, they left everything behind. Their response was radical and total. I left friends, families, possessions, a possible version of my life where I am a family man with six kids and a partner to spend the rest of my life, my little collection of everything. So now my life is being rewritten and I'm not it's author. Pray for me.

I'm happy.