on authenticity

by Yas Jayson Sunday, March 19, 2017 1 palagay leaving and living what matters most

So far, four brothers have left the seminary this year while another one is scheduled to leave by the end of the month. While every brother is dear to me, I cannot help but share a silent regret on their leaving. Each left with different reasons and I understand why they opted to leave. I would tell them, "As long as your decision is a product of your prayers, go ahead. Let God lead you."

A brother shared to me that he left because he would not bear anymore the incoherent lives of our formators. To be honest, many are losing their morale and confidence in formation because of the serious lack of good moral guides in the seminary. Religious (priests and brother) who are at war with each other, religious whose lives don't match with what they preach, lazy religious contented with comfortable life. So it was not very surprising to learn that my brothers are leaving one by one. In fact, it was I who has been openly joking my brothers that I might leave within the year. I have been harboring the thought of leaving not because I don't want to be a priest anymore but because I want to live a more authentic life, to follow Jesus and be guided accordingly.

With their leaving, I have affirmed my personal opinion that the seminary these days is experiencing a serious lack of zeal. It seems like the seminary has become a dumping site of lukewarm religious where in fact, as another brother pointed out, the best and the most zealous formators should be assigned to take the task of igniting the spirit of the seminarians to live the joy of the Gospel with authenticity and zeal.

I'm frustrated. Maybe to be a Augustinian Recollect is not the kind of life the Lord wants for me. But where are you leading me, Lord? I know I want to be priest, but where? What kind? Still my heart and in the churning of my emotions, lead me where my heart is without borders.