To A and to riddles

by Yas Jayson Wednesday, February 28, 2018 2 palagay amor ordinem nescit stargazing

Everyone was enjoying the cheap booze I prepared. I used to listen a lot to Hale those days and that probably their melody was filling the arid air of that night of June.

I opened the doors several times that night. You and your partner then were the last to arrive. I found you cute but that was all. I was too busy juggling work and study to think about liking you or any other person. Nothing mattered to me except that that moment was for making toasts with friends. Your partner puked just beside a welcoming potted fortune plant. He missed his fortune.

It was seven years ago and I was turning twenty.

Ah, twenty. I had my share of U-belt boys and nothing really profound. Who has figured out things about themselves at that age?

The next time I saw you was last year, you appeared in my social media accounts. I added you and thought it would be a good idea to reconnect. I simply had to.

And we talked. I shared my experiences inside the seminary and you would tell me about your daily stuff and how your love for family brought you to the Middle East. You were not difficult to like, I affirmed.

There were times when I feel that we talked like how lovers would, how you deeply cared about the tiny details of my stories. But it somehow stopped there, in that point between desire and fear, the fear of distance, the fear of how distance may affect the both of us.

So whenever you leave little crumbs of yourself in your poetry, I can’t help but think how much of those little crumbs are about me and my coward dispositions.

Maybe you like me. Maybe you really do. How will I know?

I planned to see you for Christmas but family obligations kept me from spending the holidays with you. Perhaps, some other time. Some other circumstance. But if that day comes, I’d read a nice novel until you sleep beside me.

If only you are nearer.