Brother’s Keeper

by Yas Jayson Monday, April 05, 2010 17 palagay home sweet home

If it will happen that one of these days you will find out that I write about you, please do not think that I am angry. A brother is always a brother and kuya keeps that.

You were Papa and Mama’s favorite child. As the only brother I have, I took charge of looking after you when I was six and you were four and until we went to the same school since Papa was working in Saudi. Mama had the clearest instruction to me: look after you closely. Although I never had the chance to be your bestfriend, I always found a way to know your actions and activities. See, I know your secrets without you knowing that I do.

I went to high school and you were grade four when I graduated. I was excelling and putting our last name in school activities and all that. Soon we were three Tolentinos in school. All were expecting you and Jesusa to be good or perhaps better than me, your mathematically-challenged brother. Soon I heard of the stories that you were writing, er, vandalizing on papers and walls. You had become a regular client of the guidance office. You were starting to get pimples and friends who enjoy after class skateboarding and inuman and our parents were alarmed. Still, my knowledge of your goodness makes me hope that your dilemmas will soon come to pass.

You never finished a year like a regular student because you failed to pass subjects like Filipino, TLE and Social Studies. We always enroll you for summer classes. We even transferred you in the province for your junior year thinking that that might solve your issues. No, we were wrong. March came and you were back home to take summer classes and enroll right after in our old high school. We were a bit confident this time that you will make amendments with yourself since this is your last chance. I cannot follow your whereabouts faithfully now since I need to stop college and earn a living and help in our family’s needs. I know what it is to lose a mother in your teen years, brother. But losing a mother when you are in high school does not mean that you need to forget life’s important lessons. We did not stop you from skateboarding, tight jeans, rock bands and occasional drinking only that we keep on reminding you to ask permission and go home in time. You failed most of the time.

Then one day you sent me a text message asking me to talk with the guidance officers because your graduation permit was held. I was in rage, so much rage I felt for the first time. I cannot contain my anger and I was shouting at you on the phone. I was crying when I put down the phone. I contacted ate and went to your classroom the next day.

The decision was final. You will not graduate this March. My power and connections would not save you a slot for graduation. I know now why you were hesitant to take entrance exams. I perfectly understand when you said that you were having a hard time coping with your subjects but what puzzles me much is why you need to skip Values Education subject, bring cheap brandy in class, remove school logo on your uniforms and write pathetic words like 'drown' and 'anarchy' on school walls. You were never active in school protests like me and there is no reason for you to do so.

 

Did we ask you much? All that we were asking from you is to graduate and eventually get to college. Did I ask you to win contests? Did I ask you to be active on extra-curricullar activities? No, brother. I, we, did not. You had a very little piece of our family’s woes. You do not know how much anticipation we have in seeing you wearing toga. March will be just another March because you will not be graduating.

I want to curse and spank and kick you but I cannot simply because there is this something in my self that knows you are not to be cursed and be spanked and be kicked. I was in pain to know that you will not graduate but that does not mean that I was ashamed of you. You are still a brother and because of that we hope you will like the new pair of shoes we bought the afternoon we went to your school and talked with the guidance counselors.

Someday you will know why I stick with you despite your long list of offenses. I only hope that it will not be late when that dawns on you.

POST SCRIPT:

It was a draft dating February 2010.

Julius graduated last March 31, 2010 after a second thought deliberation on his case. Funny to note that majority of his teachers were my teachers too, giving him much consideration. His English teacher (who was my Journalism adviser) told me that Julius and I are not the same but his leadership is distinct. She even told me that he is good with music, surprising to know that he can read notes.

And yep I was there watching him on the video screen, getting his diploma.



+AMDG