Lord, I've been through many days when I feel like I was only moving on autopilot. Those days when problems at home and in the seminary seemed overwhelming. On those moments, I would think of quitting right away. There were days too when I would think that I was a better Christian when I was still outside. At this early, I already have doubts if I am really where you want me to be. I have listed in my head the long list of things I don't like about the seminary and the imperfections I have witnessed: the lack of vibrancy in academic formation, the values and inconsistencies of the formators, the overall feeling that we are being formed out of fear instead of to be formed in love. Lord, I have listed it all in my mind.
Some days come when I do not feel like participating in the seminary schedule. Yet, I would find myself dragging my way out of my room, with just enough faith to go on for the next schedule. Yet days will come when I am vibrant and full of life. In days that I feel otherwise, Lord please send me an ounce of fortitude. I do not ask for a perpetual supply but a daily ration of Your love. Baka mapanis kasi.
I am resolved to ask You daily for faith, that even when I do not understand the way things happen in my life, you are there to give me just a little more to go on. Just enough to start my engine again.
Then in my own accord, do Your will as I ought to. Amen.
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