So I am following for quite some time now a new routine - one that I had no control of and one which I have to follow to the letter. If before, I would wake up anytime I wanted and just decide upon waking what to do, now I have to wake up very early regardless of what time I slept the night before. I had chores, tasks, and activities that the old me would loathe doing.
But son I would find myself actually enjoying even the most menial task. I find meaning and lessons in boring or physically-demanding chores that I would othwerwise hate doing. It also made me compare the way my brothers do their tasks. While they simply perform tasks for the sake of saying they obeyed, here I am, a thirty-ish year old newbie who actually doing things so I ma be able to find meaning (and maybe God too) in the process. Later I realized that I am motivated by love. I came here because I am chasing a lover whom I want to serve, perhaps understand, and experience. I am not here because I need to pass some exam of challenges to prove that I have a vocation. I am already here because love brought me to this exact place. Nauna na ang Diyos, at hindi dahil gusto kong mahalin ako ng Diyos sa proseso.
So indeed, the words of the Psalms summarizes what I am experiencing, it explains why I am happy and very much disposed to the formation. It is no longer just a matter of showing up. My motivation has switched to the simplest explanation I could ever give - kung hindi Diyos ang nangunguna sa buhay ko, walang kwenta ang lahat ng mga ginagawa ko. Kung hindi Diyos ang unang kumikilos sa puso ko, walang silbi ang pamamalagi ko dito sa seminaryo.
Lord, remind me always that I am Your beloved.
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